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选择这个电影,完全是因为想练法语听力,看它拿过大奖,好奇想知道这个丑主演会有一个怎样的故事。 故事完全出乎意料,DVD背后的剧透被我完全忘记了,看到一半才想起来,噢,是关于一个画画的女佣的。 影片一开头就让人揪心,不是揪心的紧张,是一种揪心的美。早上的太阳才刚刚在河畔的林梢升起,有火红的颜色却没有火红的热感。女主角用手在河水的泥浆里摸索着,听见教堂的钟声敲响,就急匆匆奔向教堂。 法国北部的古城SENLIS很美,绿郁葱葱,不规则的石头砌成的路,高耸入云的哥特式教堂。SERAPHINE坐下来动情的歌唱着圣歌。 她帮人洗衣服,做家务,打零散的工,挣零星的钱,她过得清苦,憋促,没有朋友,没有家人,没有尊重她,没有人感激她。 然而她是快乐的,她说自己伤心时会去拥抱大树,会和鸟儿虫儿说话,然后,悲伤就会过去。 然而SERAPHINE有一个秘密,她夜里会发出奇怪的噪音吵醒楼下的房东,她制造自己秘密的颜料,她画画到天亮。 天亮了她继续给人做粗活,她继续辛劳的过活,她的生命,宛如她的艺术作品,在黑的不眠的夜里,绚丽绽放。 她画的原始,奇特的美,没有人能欣赏,除了那个德国艺术收藏夹, Wilhelm Uhde. 他发现给自己做女佣的SERAPHINE竟然有这等天赋,他欣赏她的画,鼓励她继续画。他资助她。她对他,有埋藏极深的喜欢,却埋藏的深到无言。 战争(第一次世界大战)来临,他仓促出逃, 留下他的收藏的艺术品,她的画,还有SENLIS的生活记忆。 战争结束后,他没有再回来寻找他新发现的画画天才,他继续过自己的生活,直到他听见一个画展的消息。他又一次看见SERAPHINE 的画,又一次被触动。他去寻找她,买下她的画,做她的画展,他赞助她,她的人生似乎黑夜遇见黎明,忽然亮堂起来。 她的画被认可了,她几乎要成名了,然而经济大萧条来临了,她的梦,她梦想自己成名,梦想买一个大房子,梦想自己的作品在全世界被认可,破灭了。她的救世主UHDE 也在经济萧条时抛弃了她,就如同一战时他骤然离去一样。SERAPHINE 陷入绝望,崩溃。她的结局令人伤感,感慨人生的无奈,现实的残酷。 人生的好年华短暂,她在好年华里过着苦日子,人生的好日子对她来说更短暂,她才尝到甜头,开了胃口,结果一下就没了。 她的灵性,她的激情,她对生活和自然的爱,留在世间,她的画里。
posted @ 2014-05-16 02:19 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(12) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
In Montreal, you can not beat the view from the top of Mont Royal. The hill slowly sloped to grounds, streets, with its tall trees densely spread all over. The beautiful curve of the platform on the top of Mont Royal make it looks like the deck of boat, and looking far ahead from the top your eyes would meet the skyline where it meets the earth. The sky and the earth mingled in yellowish brown glowing with mellow lights and blue mist. In between is the city, Montreal. The city occupied the vast space between the far away glowing mysterious place where sky and earth mingle, and the stone wall in front your body and the hard rock paved ground under your feet. The view is remarkable, breath taking, lovely, pretty...all the expression the people used seems to pale out in front of it’s reality. I observed the vast metropolitan city spread in front of me, I saw the small cars and small people, and the medium sized high buildings and low roofs, and I thought about the life and soul carried in eath of these people, and the life and soul hidden behind each window and door, behind each glasses tinted or thickened, and behind each various clothe style and material, and I wondered, how people live in real life feel self to be so large, as if it could swallow the whole universe. Indeed we are so small, such small mini creatures could amazingly carry so much love, pain, dream, sadness, it’s the emotions that seems to fill up the universe. Our small fragile human body, busied about here and there, wanted this and that, heart sweeten and heart broken, consumed constantly, ceaselessly, tirelessly by emotions. Would life be much lighter, easier, if we don’t bear so much emotions, no love, no fear, no anger, no sadness, no dreams no depression , no illusions no disillusions, just live, like a tree, like a plant. Perhaps then we would live much longer, but how boring it would be, to be touched by nothing, to feel nothing. Bleeds, wounds, inside out, sweetness, bitterness, bittersweetness, all the flavors mixed and mingled into one, called “the taste of life”. Which is a complex and a complication, constantly changing its formulations, never purely sweet or bitter, never purely happy or sad, never stable in its chemical, but ever so delicious. If there is any doubt, just look at how crowded earth is, with plenty of being fear of death, giving everything to linger around longer on earth.
posted @ 2014-05-12 23:39 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(95) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
If happiness is a choice, why would any one choose to be unhappy? If miserary is not a choice, why some one could get out of there while others could not? If happiness is a goal, which the whole world and the whole human being, and each of our whole life is chasing after, why so few people actually "get it"? Perhaps happiness is like a butterfly, you could rarely capature it by running after it, you just have be there like a flower, live vividely and being beautiful, be there and butterfly will fall upon you. It would fell so lightly, that you could bearly feel its arrival until it kicks off. We seldom know we are happy, at the moment of happiness, we are like a flower busy blossoming, absorbing wholely in the shake of air, in the blow of wind, in the kiss of sunshine, in life itself. We don't realize we were happy, until we were lesser happy or became misery, than we look back at the fleeting moment and saw: Aha, I was so happy. Happiness is a history, it's always in past tense when it comes to recognization. Sometimes we have this far intuitive feeling, certain moments in life we feel life is so fulfilled, like a ballon filled with air, that we could almost fly, then either the baloon go off your hand suddenly, or it burst off while you had seized it too hard. Happiness is not to be found, but remembered, not chased, but arrived.
posted @ 2014-04-26 11:15 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(21) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
It started to rain in the morning, while we were still in the classroom that faces Mont Royal, we heard the rain fell suddenly and rapidly, hitting the glass panel of the rear windows in our class, like anxious knocks at the door in quiet night. It shocked us, and nearly the whole class turned to look. The girl sitting next to me is in love, she is sending text messages to her love during class, and I glanced over and saw an text from her Italian lover appearing in yellow highlights signifying it's a message she received from him: 'Where are you my love?" Aha, it's the international language of lovers, "my love" exist in all languages, in French it's "Mon amour", in Spanish "Mi amour" in Italian "Mio Amore". He is a bastard of Italian and Spanish, speaking French and English fluently as foreign language, and Italian and Spanish as mother tongues. She confessed, although she has a boy friend, she had fallen in love with this Italian. He is so charming, so gentle, so hopelessly romantic, comparing to her Chinese boy friend who support her financially generously, she found from this Italian what has been missing from her Chinese boy friend. She knew she depends heavily on her unromantic Chinese boy friend her quality of life and financial freedom, but on the other side her feelings toward him is weak and dry. To fairly state it, she needs him more than she wants him. It's a relationship of somewhat, if not purely love, perhaps un exchange of needs, of interest, un fair one? It's the most popular exchange in the market of society: Money for Beauty. Money for security. Who can criticize it? If both sides are willing to do so, and are doing so freely. The older I grow, the less strict I am to criticize others. We are all easily judgemental, to others. But who are we really to say what's wrong or what's right? Each one is entitled to live as they wish, happy or miserable, it's a personal choice. If they were able to achieve happiness, congratulations. If they were in misery, pity them, for they know no better otherwise. We are all victims of our own choice, while we all make our best effort to do it right. When we do it wrong, we need not to hear a denouncement, but sympathy. The punishment is not necessary to be given by others, because the result itself, of a bad decision, make us suffer enough already. My classmate told me, her Italian asked to her official boy friend, but she could not right now, because she wants to see after 6 months, after the passions fade away, how he would be like. She lowered her head and then looked into my eyes and said "I think we have lesser 40% of chance. More likely than not, this love affair won't last. It won't lead us to marriage." If her intuitive feelings are true, why does she still continue? Why is she planning a trip to Europe together with this Italian? Because she is in love, knowing their future is vague doesn't stop her steps of advancing in love. Love is like a legend, people hear about it and doubt whether it's real until it's being experienced personally. I watched her, like watching a play on live show, like watching the rain fell, flapping the glass window panel. What love will do to her? Who knows. Perhaps that's exactly the charm of life, because of all the uncertainties, like the uncertainty of a rainfall. Sometimes rains save the lives of plants, sometimes it kills off, sometimes the rain nurses, sometimes the rain ruins. The Right "Rain" quench the thirst of life, while the Wrong "Rain" floods away the base of life. Who knows? Love happens, like life happens, life rain falls.
posted @ 2014-04-16 05:13 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(56) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
像是没有雷达的飞机,像是没有方向感的司机,我的人生,是那么容易迷失。

我总迷失在下一个路口,下一道风景,我常忘记大方向是什么,只迷恋眼前的风景。

小时候作文里不停地写“我的理想”,我得感谢我们的教育,教我们从小就“规划”人生,少走弯路。可是作文也该有个续篇,“我的理想”只能算是《上》半部,下半部应该还有个“理想路线图”吧? 从来没有。于是我总是迷失方向,我模糊地知道我的理想是什么,可我不停地迷路。好像一个人要去远方旅行,却既没地图,也没钞票。一路上不停问路,回答有对有错,有时候路走得对,有时候南辕北辙。 我安慰自己:没关系,终点不要紧,重要的不是到达,而是沿途的风景。

沿途的风景,也不总是亮丽,可我总是用心地看,看山高水低,看沟沟坎坎。看花开雪飘,看大雨倾盆。

时间过去了一半, 我的目标,依然在远方。

我终于承认,我是个容易迷路,容易走失的笨孩子。虽然笨,我却从未放弃。我走错了的路,也曾让我闻见花香,我跌倒的坑,也曾让我看见星星。

我的目标是高尚的,我想要人生精彩,我想要有所作为,最重要的,我要死的时候,不后悔自己没好好活过。我知道有时那种迷惑人的错觉:有的是时间,可以慢慢赶路。他是个骗子,我必须得经常提醒自己:定时器已经拨好了,时间有一天会“嘎然而止”。如果,如果那时候我还没有到达我的目标,实现我的理想,那该多可怕,多遗憾。

君子不“器”, 我也不器。我很久都不知道自己究竟是个什么“容器”,究竟可以用来装什么?我像邯郸学步一样,学过许多人,我也像东施那样,效过颦。我无非想要做更好的自己,生活一个精彩的人生。

慢慢地,慢慢地,我才发现,其实很多事看着很好,我做不成。很多人看着很美,我学不来。我最终认识到:我只能做我自己。我不美不才,却上帝也给了我独特的禀赋,他似乎在对我说:这世上我只造了一个你,请做你自己。当上帝一次次地关上一扇扇门时,我有沮丧,有彷徨。很久后我才明白,他那么做,无非是想我最终去推开,那扇他为我而开的门。之前我一直没有勇气,他就一直用“拒绝”来“欢迎”我。哈利勃特的作者说,她在毫无出路的情况下,开始写作。也许我们也需要在毫无出路时,才去做自己真正想做该做的事,做自己想做该做的自己。

去吧,如果你也和我一样,碰壁了许多次,敲不开许多门。相信上帝不是要拒绝你,他只是要激发你的勇气。做你真正想做该做的事,做你想做该做的自己。去推门吧,上帝只是要你去推开那扇他特意为你而开的门。
posted @ 2013-02-21 05:54 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(28) | 评论 (2)编辑 收藏

常有人说,有野心的人,在国内混,没出息想混日子的人,在国外混。这话不无道理。乱世出枭雄:国内虽然社会问题颇多,可是机会也不可胜数。所以想做大事的人,不出国。在发达国家,可谓岁月静好,日子安稳,可是如要“一夜暴富”“快速成功”,除了中彩票,简直不可能。

在国内,多做多得,在这里,多做少做,所得相近。国人一直玩笑“加拿大”其实是“大家拿”,也近实情。只要过了贫困线,你年薪多一两万,少一两万,最后的收入所得是差不多的。你多赚的部分,大都交给了政府去均贫富了。

比如一个人年薪6万,另一个人年薪4万多,最后的月收入,却只差一两百,再加上年薪5万以下所能领得的补贴,反而低收入的人收入更高,高收入的人收入反而少。也许正是这个缘故,在这里大家不仇富,大家都差不多,没谁眼红谁,心态也就比较容易平和了。在国内那巨大的反差, 要保持你内心平和是需要极高的修为的。

给房东做卫生间装修的魁瓜说,按建筑行业标准,他工时工资应是$60-$70/工时,但是他只收$30-$35/工时。我问他为什么不多收些呢?他说:我给你举个例子。我弟弟也做这行,我弟弟接得都是大公司大客户,比如像Bell,还有蒙特利尔大学之类的工程,他的收费是$50-$55/工时,这样一年下来,他税前年收入是¥90,000左右,可是扣完各种杂税后,他真正的净收入是$35,000, 和我差不多。我张大嘴望着他惊叫:百分之六十多的税!他点点头说:所以我要价很低 -- 多要的,也是跑去政府那儿了,与其那样,不如把这些钱留给个人。你明白为什么我60%以上的客户都是熟客了吧?我点点头:聪明,双赢。客人少付钱,他实际收入却没减少。

在这个国家,确实是混日子的好地方。有人不上班,生几个孩子,领各种政府补贴,日子也过得有声有色,而辛苦上班的,也不过如此。加拿大是出名的福利国家,福利好,是要有人愿意奉献的。想想在天朝,”奉献“亦非少,却仍然贫富悬殊剧,原因何在呢?

涓涓细流,不停地注入“大池塘”,然而“池塘”里的水,却总也满不了,因为总是到处”决堤“,鱼儿和水都往外跑,囤积入自家小池塘,哪管他荒野千里,旱饥满目。

均贫富的口号,我们喊得最早,一次次的风起云涌的“演义”,都是给这个口号所召唤迷惑,然而几千年过去,依然只是个历史书上的口号。均平富不是不可能,虽然也并不完美。

如果注定要失去,我们都宁愿用自己失去的去补“不足”,而不是让某些个人“更富足“。要知道,国人一向都”不患寡”,但”患不均“。

贫富均,心态平,于是岁月静好。


posted @ 2013-02-21 05:03 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(33) | 评论 (1)编辑 收藏

Ben Stein, bestselling author of

How to Ruin Your Life
How to Ruin Your Love Life
And below is:
How to Ruin Your Financial Life
Quotes:

 

The world rest on three pillars: on money, on money, and on money. -East Europe proverb

No money, no life. -cONFUCIAN axioms
"It is hard to be bitter when you are as rich as I am" -BOBSTER, BOY DYLAN


"Nobility is riches santified by long passage of time." English saying

"Begin at once, and do the best you can"

"If nothing changes, then nothing changes."-if you keep doing you've been doing, then you will get the same results you have always got.

you should get moving right now on accomplishing your goals, because the more time you have t work on them, the more likely you are to attain them.
And then there's some old saw about how a journey is more likely to get finished if you start early in the morning.

How to Ruin Your Fiancial Life: (these advices are to be checked, the more you find yourself matching, the more easily and likely you ruin your financial life,  or in danger of so doing, if not now, soon)
1. Forget about tomorrow
2.Know with certainty that there will never be any rainy days in your life
3.Remember that your pace of mind is a lot more important than the few pennies you'll save
4.Save Money only when you feel like it, and if you just don't feel like saving, then don't!
5.Don't bother to learn anything at all about investing
6.Spend as much as you want, and don't be afraid to go into debt
7. Set up a High-Profile, High-Consumption Lifestyle with enormous fixed expenses
8.Compete with your friends to see who can spent the most
9. Don't balance your checkbook or keep track of what you spend
10.Forget to pay your taxes
11.Truely believe that you're only as valueable as what you own
12. Collect as Many Credit cards as you can, and you them frequently
13.As soon as you've succeeded in maxing out your credit cards...get new ones!
14. When you get your credit-card Bill, pay only the minimum each month
15.know in your heart of hearts that you will never run out of money
16. Repeat after me:"I am not responsible for my financial well-being"
17.Trust that there's always more money coming in
18.Lend money to your friends-especially your girlfriend or boyfriend
19. Learn the Ultimate Rule of Success-Money
20. Play lady-or Lord-Bountiful by shelling out Money to everyone around you
21. Don't think about retirement -It's a L-O-0-N-N-G Way Off....
22. Choose a broker based on his(or her) Good looks, Fashion Sense, and Gift of Gab
23. Attend a "Free" Financial Seminar, and follow the advice they "sell" you to the letter
24. Rest assured that if a person is quoted in The Wall Street Journal or on TV, She or he Must be able to forecast the stock market
25. Don't Pay any attention to Finacial Experts who urge you to diversity - the stock market is always the best and only place to be!
27. Convince yourself that you can beat the market without knowing anything about it
28.Carve it in stone: "Average" returns in the stock market aren't good enough for you!
29: Don't waste your time iwth a broker works for a well-known Firm - Go with that Nimble Little Fellow who sent you spam on the internet
30. Act fast! Those stock tips you heard about in the locker room have real value
31. Don't be satisfied to just buy and hold-rapid trading is the key to wealth
32. Invest in penny stocks
33. To make real money , go on Margin!
34. Believe in "Black Box" Trading methods Pitched to you by some wizard in a Fancy suit
35. Put all your eggs in one basket-'Cause Only Sissies Diversify
36. Ignore Investment fees and expenses-They're just Nickels and Dimes
37. Buy and Read newletters about investing, and do exactly waht they say
38. make sure you never hold your financial adviser or broker accountable - you want him to your friend
39. If your investment program isn't producing good results, keep doing the same thing anyway
40. If taking charge of your financial life seems overwhelming Now, just put it off for a few more years
41. Start a business with inadequate capital - in a difficult field and in a difficult location
42. Don't worry about buying stocks when there is a bubble going on-you'll always know when to sell out just before the bubble bursts
43.If getting your finances together seems too difficult at any given time, turn everything over to a financial/business manager who will have total control over your money
44.Believe that you can get rich quick-that you can get somethng for nothing
45. Know without a doubt that you don't have to work hard-you only need to find an angle
46. Do not buy a home-a free spirit like you does not need to put down roots
47. Feel confident that you can borrow your way out of any problem
48. Rest assure that shopping is perfectly valid form of emotional and physical excercise-whether you need what you're buying or not
49. Carefully pore over all those catalogs you get in the mail, and order them late at night or when you're feeling lonely
50. Don't sweat the small stuff -- after all, $10 or $20 a day doesn't really add up to much!
51. Fina a man or woman with really expensive tastes and reckless financial habits-and Marry Him or Her!
52.Get seperated and Divorced Frequently
53. Don't keep records
54. Gamble with your money
55. Don't bother to provide for your Spouse or your children
32.

posted @ 2013-02-19 11:44 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(14) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏

原版电影《红磨坊》是个传记故事,以法国后印象派画家Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec为原型塑造。

传记故事的魅力在于,它试图向你真实的再现,一个人一生走过的路,怎样曲曲折折成就了后来的自己。一些看似不幸的事件,反而最终成为把人物推上高台的砖石,然后在当时,却只能忍受不幸的摧残。当局者总是迷惑迷失的,只有局外人,看着人物兜兜转转,最终停止在终点,才清楚地看见人生的各种起承转合。

Henri少年罹疴,双腿停止发育导致身材矮小,行走不便。他受尽他人嘲讽耻笑,因此愤世嫉俗。他行动不便,所以喜欢去《红磨坊》画画写生,他自己能静不能动,所以特别擅长捕捉社会场景里的人物动作。他饱饮人生冷暖后,把热心肠收起,不轻易让人走进心里。他由少年变成成年,为保护自己,心的外层慢慢长出一层硬痂,然而内里依然柔软。

凡常女子,无法打开他的痂,触及他的柔软。却是一个社会底层的风尘女子,一个丛林里的食肉野猫似的女人,闯入了他的心。他平生第一次恋爱了,小心守护得很紧,心墙还是被这个女子撞破了。然而这个女人并不真的爱他,所以当他恋爱,当他的柔软被一个犀利的爪牙捕获时,他成了任由对方蹂躏的可怜玩物。他母亲前来看望被恋爱摧残的身心俱废的儿子时问:她是怎样一个女人?他的回答很简单,诚实: she loves me as the way I am, not tall, not handsome, just the way I am.

其实,每个人想要的,不都是这么简单吗?被完全地接纳。他一直没有遇到,以为在一个妓女身上遇见了,就不顾一切的恋爱了。然而这是一个幻灭,妓女醉酒后也恶语吐真言:她嘲笑他的矮小,他的瘸腿,她厌恶他,她一点儿也不曾接受过他,她在他身边,无非是为钱。她残忍的利用了他的好心,他的柔情,然后像动物撕裂猎物一样,撕裂了他之后又抛弃他。自此后,他高筑心墙,不再相信爱。

当Henri遇见他这一生唯一真正爱他的女人时,他已经给自己的心穿上了厚厚的铠甲,他把自己保护的严严实实,一丝不漏---他不再让自己受伤,也不再让自己爱。他错过了幸福,沉迷于酒精。唯有绘画,是他唯一的表达。

正因为画家这样的经历,这样的情绪,所以他的画面里都是动作,都是活色生香的场景。他对笔下人物的处理,即富有同情 ,又是抽离的。

Herni 死时36岁,他的画在他生前就被选进了卢浮宫。

世上流传着Henri的画,却不曾给他尝过半点儿幸福。




posted @ 2013-02-02 02:59 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(44) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
失眠了,在床上躺了很久,换了一次床,从自己卧室跑到儿子卧室的床上,听着不同的鼻息,也还是睡不着。

都是今天学法语太用功了吧,睡前在脑子里过了一遍今天学过的法语,大脑被刺激幸兴奋了?要么就是老公感冒的鼻息声太重,要么就是因为提前陪儿子睡了一觉,十一点多醒来回自己房间扰乱了睡眠?要么就是心事太多?房子还没卖掉,父母老弱,自己工作没着落,是否做自己的旅游开发,如果做起来三年后又回国了,生意怎么做下去?三年后是否能留,是否想留?在这个“他乡”?这里什么好?最突出的是两样,空气干净,食物放心。这里工业污染也有,食品安全问题也有,只是和国内比简直是“No Problem". 要不要申请移民,要不要留下?我们喜欢这里,想留下,然而留下又有太多怀念牵挂:父母年高,在自己的祖国,自己的家,说自己的语言,身边有自己的朋友,没有漂泊感多好。可是环境污染令人揪心,每天都呼吸的空气,变得每时每刻都在侵害健康,年轻人患癌的渐多,呼吸道疾病成第一杀手。总不能不呼吸,不出门吧?这个问题,任何令个人感到无能为力的问题,都会令人感到焦虑。食品问题,小孩子教育问题。想想国内的教育,学知识是好的,压力出人才,可是畸形。对于一个人身心的全面发展,对于一个人性格的培养,创造力的培养,就不是一个健康的环境。加拿大也有它的教育问题,学校里也有Bully,不知他会适应的如何?只是他淘气不拘的性格,在这里会得到更人性的尊重和对待,不会在严格的应试教育下被压扁。看看睡眠中的儿子,逐渐确信:来这里是对的,干净的空气,相对纯静的生活,没那么喧嚣浮躁,对小孩子的成长是好的。那么就开始申请移民,争取留下来吧,为了他,也为我们自己,还有相对自由的空气。可是那就意味着漂泊感会一直相随,对父母会一直抱歉。

想东想西,脑细胞也无法沉静。抬腿呼吸,身体也还是无法放松。干脆起来吧,打开客厅的灯,看看时钟1:30.很少这么晚睡,看书还是上网呢?翻了两页书,还是决定上网。打开电脑,Nifix网页上居然推荐着汤姆汉克斯的老片: SleepLess In Seattle。 单瞄一眼题目,就觉得讽刺。电影里他儿子的台词说: He Never Sleeps 怎么可能呢?他夜里一直不睡,干嘛呢?仰望星空一晚上?白天照样工作?又不是铁人。怀疑自己明天是否还起得来跑步,写写疏散一下满脑子混乱的情绪和想法。现在去睡了。

除了刚来时倒时差那周,来蒙特利尔后还没失眠过。算了,睡眠,我不追你了,等你来寻我吧。


posted @ 2013-01-30 15:17 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(53) | 评论 (2)编辑 收藏
爱你,这次是对自己说。


大多数人都觉得爱他人比爱自己容易,虽然许多时候我们不愿意承认,但是有多少人从心里认真地对自己说过:爱你。

指责自己是常有的,做错的时候。表扬自己也有的,做得出色的时候。自鸣得意的时候,是有的,自恋自怜的时候,也都有的。但是这些都不是真正意义上的爱。当我们真正爱一个人时,我们的心变得很柔软,很宽阔,我们完全接纳,不挑剔,不指责,我们只是接受,懂得,包容,欣赏。真正的爱,不是每个人都能遇见,都能给你。这样的爱,如若来自同性,从此成为挚友,如若来自异性,必定神魂与之。

世上真正懂得爱的人不多,而盗爱之名的行为,却很多。我们真正能爱的人,也有限,然能真正爱自己的,则更少。爱他人较爱自己要容易。因为羞涩,因为传统,我们羞于爱自己。对自己的爱被克制,压抑 ---人生大多时候,我们部分的接纳自己,部分的否定自己。接纳的部分令我们自豪,否定的部分令我们自卑。用别人的眼光看自己,用别人的尺子量自己,我们怎么都不够好,不够完美,不够赢得自己无条件的爱。于是我们无法爱自己,狠心地对自己说: 你还不够好。赢得他人的爱很不容易,殊不知赢得自己的爱,也非容易。

有多少人的青春,甚至一生,不是活在别人一笔一笔给自己绘的素描里?自己究竟是谁?自己究竟是否值得爱?你有没有无条件的爱过自己?

你有很多理由不满自己,却没有理由不爱自己。首先这个身体,这个你灵魂此生寄居的家,你爱它吗? 它是你唯一的家,你此生不能“搬家”,也不能“赁”“售”“转租”。你若恒加爱护,它便长久宜居,你若不加爱惜,它便破败毁坏,经不起四季风雨。有钱修缮,也难得安住。

再者,这个身体里寄宿的灵魂,你爱你的灵魂吗?灵魂,就是那个“我”。那个你每天面对,每时每刻在你左右,如影随行的“我”。“我”言语行动,“我”感受体验,“我”看着我自己,检视着我自己。如同抬头三尺的神灵,一刻也未曾放松。

这样的身体,这样的灵魂,融而为一,成就了这世上独一无二的你。

“我” 当然不完美? 有谁是完美的呢?接纳自己,因为自己是自己唯一生死相随的伴侣。父母,朋友,爱人,儿女,都有可能有一天离你而去,而唯一会陪伴你至死的,是你自己。你是你最长久的伴侣,你是你最忠实的朋友,你是朝朝暮暮,陪着自己走过这一生的人,你有什么理由不爱自己?


爱自己,不是自恋。自恋是陶醉于自己的某些优点,无限关注和放大那个优点。爱自己,是黑白都看见,知道并容许黑白的存在。天也有黑夜白昼,人怎么可能盈而无亏?

爱自己,像爱一个朋友,爱一个爱人那样。我们怎么爱朋友,爱人?我们陪伴,我们原谅,我们鼓励。有些女孩子容易在爱人离开后就自暴自弃,仿佛他不爱你,你就一文不值,他不给你幸福,你就痛苦,他若离开,你就天黑。其实,我们可以告诉自己:即使全世界都离弃了你,我也永远爱你,做自己最好的爱人,你会发现自己更可爱,更美丽。当你不再需要外面的风日雨露也能滋润地生长,美丽的绽放的时候,你就有了一种遗世独立的美。那种美,是有力量的美,坚强的美,生命的美。你见过的那些真正散发着迷人魅力的人,无论男女,他们的魅力根源,缘于这样的爱,这样强大的内心。

你也可以,让自己的生命绽放出那样的美丽,从今天开始,对自己说:爱你。



posted @ 2013-01-29 12:46 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(14) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏

生气时请数到十,生气伤身体,生气有诸多恶损,可是谁又能不生气?

事不如人意,人令人失望,错误频出,错误叠加,想要的没得到,或得到的太晚,答应的没做到,或该作的既没答应也没做。。。有那么多恼人的事,让人生气。生气了想骂人,生气了想摔东西,生气了仿佛热笼屉里的气,揭开盖就要喷射出去。

对方有种种不是, 只能在心里数落,真金白银的说出来,也没几个人耐烦听你的。连小孩子也不愿意,小孩子也会别过头去,嘟着嘴巴去玩自己的。大人则会和你斗嘴,谁肯被人说辞,站那里被人扒皮似的数落呢?纵有千般错,也万般不肯认。

生气时像枪膛里的子弹,只有飞出去才痛快。可是开枪就是开战,不知几时休,不知伤亡如何,是“敌”是“我”。

忍吧,气难平,多忍一刻都要爆炸。这个时候,如果尚有一丝理性,就转移注意力。看不得的人和事,暂时不见。无法让对方离开,就自己离开。换个环境,就会换个心情。写日记,看大片,和好朋友倾诉,或者带着信用卡出门血拼,都是有效的发泄,但都有瑕疵。写日记会被人发现,冒着隐私完全暴露的风险。看大片如果是在家,生气也是在家,则换不了环境,容易再起争执。和好朋友倾诉,朋友未必那刻有空,而且也要勇敢分享隐私。血拼很发泄,但是还款就很痛苦了。到目前发现的最好的办法,是穿上跑鞋,走出门去,跑起来。

跑着跑着,就会慢慢忘记自己为什么生气,即使你拼命记者“仇”,也会给外面稀薄的空气冲淡,慢慢地你会头脑清醒地评估问题所在,理性地解决问题。慢慢地,跑步会让你把这件事完全忘记,身体越来越放松,心情也越来越舒畅-- 想不舒畅也不行,气都在慢跑中打通了。

之前有人说跑步会上瘾,跑步可以改变心情,还不全信。记得电影《阿甘正传》里,阿甘一早醒来,看见深爱多年的Jenny已经不辞而别,失落的他独坐良久后,什么也不说,只是穿上跑鞋,开始跑步。结果他跑出另一段传奇,跑出另一个励志片。

生气了怎么办?只要不是三更半夜, 就穿上跑鞋跑出去试试看,回来后不仅赚回了心情,还有健康。
posted @ 2013-01-22 06:34 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(16) | 评论 (1)编辑 收藏
在访谈节目里我们都希望看到那些遥远又耀眼的明星,名人们真实的一面,接地气出人气的一面?有些被神化了的人, 我们希望看见他回到人形,或者我们在内心始终纠结一个问题:为什么?为什么他(她)可以做到?而我不能?他们怎么做到的?和有什么不同?

怀着一样期待和探索的心情看访谈, 希望能了解“他们”,他们因何成为现在的”他们“,他们的人生路上有哪些岔路河弯道,把他们带到了今天的自己?

从蒙特利尔市最大的图书馆借来了系列纪录片《Inside the Actors Studio》,这里有我喜欢的Robert Redford,Babrra Striosand, East Wood。。。芭芭拉的眼睛真是很美,做这个节目的时候她应该已年届甲子了,可看上去依然皮肤白皙光滑, 眼睛美的像晴天的湖水。她的特里独行, 她的曼妙歌喉, 她的精湛演绎,她的导演天赋。似乎她为人也备受争议,因为她真实,不虚饰。

她做自己喜欢的事,做她自己。她做得很成功,给予她成功的,除了她的天赋,还有她的勤奋。她为人坦荡磊落,认为真相有自己的力量,她不理解撒谎的必要。她的成功,始于她对自己的诚实。 对自己诚实并不容易,而对自己撒谎有时很便利。

她知道自己喜欢什么,想要什么,因为对自己诚实,她在选择职业时没有兜圈子,而想想我们许多人,因为自欺欺人,让自己兜了多少圈子?在选择职业时,如果首先考虑的是,这工作收入如何?社会地位如何?就业前景如何,父母会怎么说?朋友会怎么说?。。。这样就会这么越走越远,远到听不见自己内心的声音,越来越不知道自己喜欢什么,能做什么。而那些成功的人,他们和我们有什么不同?他们首先不关心收入,不关心就业前景,也不关心父母和朋友的会怎么说,他们只关心自己喜欢做的,他们勇敢固执的去做,如同耐克广告词里说的”Just Do It",他们不顾种种不利,甘冒种种风险,却始终不偏离自己的目标,他们“Just Do It”。这是他们和我们的不同之处。 我们惧怕不可预知的风险,犹疑于亲友的善意劝阻,我们不敢尝试, 因为怕失败。因为怕失败,我们不敢开始,就像因为怕跌倒,干脆一直躺在地上。

”他们“,那些成功的人,也会遇见挫折,也会面临困难,但是他们从不改变初衷,也绝不怀疑自己的方向,他们的成功源于自信,源于坚持。他们忠诚于自己,而我们很早就背叛了自己。 我们期盼自己,生活就是这样,不要奢望太多,工作就是这样,不一定要喜欢。偶然听见内心那个被压抑的微弱的招呼时, 我们忽略它,告诉自己”现在太晚了,人生已成定局。“ 

诚实面对自己,勇敢的追求自己想要的生活,需要自信,需要勇气。正是这样的自信和勇气把“他们”-那些梦想成真的人,和”我们“,迷失于生活的平庸的人区别开,从能否诚实面对自己那一刻起,各自就走上一了条不一样的路,沿途看到的也是不同的风景,内心激起的也是不同的感受,最终收获的,也是不同的人生。

诚实是有风险的,巴巴拉在访谈时被问道最喜欢听到的是什么声音,她坦然说:是性高潮时的声音。主持人说,这个节目做了十年,你是第一个勇敢大声说出这个想法的人。

诚实的风险是,可能会被误解,被拒绝,被人嫌弃,被不喜欢。诚实有时很难堪,所以我们许多时候不敢讲真话,因为害怕讲出来后就会剩下孤独的自己。不敢诚实,因为胆怯:不敢做自己喜欢的事,不敢对自己喜欢的人说爱,不敢离开无爱的婚姻,不敢过自己想要的生活。想想人有时有多荒唐,在意他人的想法,却不在意自己的想法。于是勉强自己,做不喜欢的工作,换微薄的薪水,说言不由衷的话,过马马虎虎的生活。

诚实,可能生活会因此变得不便利,所以我们虚与委蛇,含糊其辞,模棱两可,最终我们迷失了自己。我们对自己不忠诚,一再的背叛自己,背叛自己内心的召唤,背叛自己的梦想最终发现生活也被叛我们。我们开始自己嫌弃自己,陷入自己的牢笼,过着不是自己想要的生活,又不知道自己想要什么。有人认为这是生存王道,毕竟大家都这么做,锐气,才气,灵气,一点点都被生活磨平。

终会有苦闷的时刻来临,仿佛对谎言的报复,有人会越来越不知道真实的自己是谁,自己究竟想要什么。习惯于对自己说谎后,对他人说谎也顺理成章,说谎变成一种习惯,习惯变成本能。最终迷失在谎言的迷中,找不到方向,看不见未来。

勇敢的人,倾听自己内心的声音,坚持追随自己内心的声音。那个微弱的声音因此慢慢变得强大,前方的路也越来越清晰宽阔,开始的疲倦孤独,一路荆棘,最终把这些勇敢的人引领到美丽的花园,他们回望来路时会说:这是我走过的路,这是我想要走的路, 我享受这沿途的风景,也享受最终的结果。如果再让我重新开始,我仍然会这么选择。

我们有多少人,可以对着自己的心这么说呢?诚实需要勇气,却是成功的基石。对他人撒谎或有苦衷,对自己不诚实却可能会浪费了这一生 -- 不是白活过了这一生,是你知道你可以做得更好,走得更远,可是你却选择了捷径,因为想偷懒贪便利,反而兜了个大圈子费了周折。

若要成功,忠诚于自己,倾听自己内心的声音便是捷径。如同芭芭拉的在回答提问时说的” if you feel there is something you understand, you have to have the confidence to believe in that. Just say it, act upon it, do it! Make it happen." "How can you do well if you don't care about what you are doing?" 而她用自己的成功和亲身经历验证了这句话:  "At the moment of  commitment, the whole universe conspires to assit you.“

承诺吧,诚实地承诺,去走那条一直想走,却每到路口都不停绕开的那条路。

posted @ 2013-01-18 06:46 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(27) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
World Without End is a good read. I was completely grasped by the story in the first few pages, and holds my heart till I turned to last page, after a thousand pages of surfing on the waves of its story.

What has striken me most in the story is:The strong willpower, the determination to excel, to success. Merlin comes from a low family, and becoming a carpenter was not his wish. But he turned it around with his iron will and dogged hard work. He is determined to make a difference in his life with the skills and talents he discovered by chance. He seeeks out every opportunity to learning new techiniques, concepts about his fields of practice. He was, and have always been completely dedicated, focused on his work. Even the upsets of his love affairs could  not turn him away from his love of work. He worked long, and he worked hard. He dares to be different, he was outcasted by the builder's guilt, which would have been a devastating strike, did not pull him down. He dare to dream, to build something grand, something that will last and be recognized by everyone. He built the highest church in England finally.

And on Caris's side, the same explanation but varies a bit. As a woman of middle centry, she won't have a career at all. It was not encouraged, it was not easy. Education was denied, and marriage was arranged. However, with her indepent thinking mind, she made herself the most successful woman, she discovered and achieved the highest purpose of her life. The journey was a bumpy one, she lost her love once, twice, three times, and she was nearly put to death by an false but strong accusation. She lost the hospital she built, and there have always been obstacles in everysteps she pushed herself forward. But nontheless, she never give up. She never give up hope, nor hard work and service spirit.

Independent thinking was a rare value in woman, still is in today's society. It means doesn't take any thoughts, belief or phylosophy second handed. Alway test it in real life, and then decide what to believe, or do. She questioned religion, she questioned the monk's medical method in curing people, she questioned everything, her purpose of life. Even Merlin's love can not make her feel fullfilled, or contented enough. To many woman to marry a man she loves, and who adores her, is the happiest life one could dream of, but for her, it is not enough. 

When she could have easily married the man she loves so dearly, she hesitated in marrying him. She was afraid to lose her independence, to be submissive to someone scares her more off than being left alone as an old maid. She refused to marry, because her life purpose was not clear to her yet. How right is that deed indeed! If she had married Merlin young, she could never become the influencial woman Mother Caris, and she won't be helping so many people in the plague later on, and saving so many people's life because of her high rised position. She would be good wife, but uncontented in her heart, had she married when she first got pragnant.

She have been involved with power struggle, always, but she never played dirty. She fights for power, but her motivation is honored. She challange custom and crowns, with sense and reason. She never hold money as her dear friend, but like a dear friend money always follows her. She is square, with a strong sense and execellent ability in management. Because of her high success achieved through years of hard work, contribution and sacrifice, she was able to help the man she loves to achieve his life project. She helped to get the fund to build the greatest church in English. Had  she been merely his wife over these years, she won't be able to help him as much as she did later.

Determination, strong will to achievement, hard work, and dedication and persistant leads Caris and Merlin to a flowered life, even though there has been non lesser of storms. But they endured.

2. True Love Always Prevails
She and Merlin's love affair went on and off for years, in sometimes there seems all hope died out, she became a nun, he married. But in the end, after many years, they still love each other, and they get married after many seemingly impossible obtacles been removed one by one from that path. Being married sometimes seems to be out of the question to them, and it seemed they may live a life time apart, but patience was rewarded eventually, when situations changed in life, she was pushed out of her own career she built with many year's of hard work, and he resovled her problem with clever solution and generous contribution. Love doesn't require money, but success certainly make things easier, and it bring you satisfaction when you have made a fortune and you could use it to help those you love.

3. Evil people on high postions
It seemed that good people shall be frantied by God to higher positions, but in reality bad people often wins. They get what they want, and they climb up the ladder easily. This is because they are not afraid to follow their evil thoughts, and play dirty and ruthlessly. What good people hesitate to do, they do eagerly. In power struggle, they are the oftened winners. They are shamelss, bruetal, and this add fuel to the accelerated vehicle of success. Do we have to sell our soul to gain the world? Apparently true. In many cases, if not most.

In a novel, bad people were not allowed to live forever and remain high in the social ladder, but in reality, these people do so. This is reality of life.  Novels need to give us hope, and show us what is right from wrong, but real life good people were wronged, died, sad as it was.

4. Belive in yourself
The poor girl Gewanda was sold by her father, she was captured to be prostituted, but she fought back, and she fought hard. She fight for the man she loved imppossibly, and she fought for the right to live a normal life. She learned to kill, in order to live. She killed 3 men in her life, all deserved it. She worked hard all her life, and she has a prosperous life in spite of her hard lot. She was determined to twist the ill-fated life she was put into at birth, and slowly, she did succeed.

I admire these women, and man, those who made their fate with their determinded mind  and back breaking hardwork. Both would reward you, if you belive in yourself, and set out to achieve your dreams. In desperate situations in life, the world seems to be coming to an end, but it is only the end if you believe it is, the world really has no end.


posted @ 2013-01-03 02:14 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(18) | 评论 (2)编辑 收藏
期盼和羡慕西方的圣诞节,由来已久。以前在中国过圣诞节,总觉得像是穿借来的衣服,总归不是自己的,不体己,知道只是一时的飞萤过眼,不必认真对待。

这次来的时间正好是圣诞当口,准备美美的体验一次原滋原味的圣诞节。

找房时看见很多房前美美的装饰了自己的家,小雪人,圣诞树,彩灯,贴士,的确很有圣诞的气氛。 儿子幼儿园里组织了圣诞Party,专门请人扮了圣诞老人来给小朋友们发放礼物。 对于圣诞老人, 我一直在心里有些不以为然西方的做法。相信一个美丽的谎言,不如以真相相告。 许多家长刻意保护小孩的innocence,许多小孩子因为对父母信任和崇拜,对圣诞老人的故事深信不疑。直到他们上到小学毕业,才逐渐从同伴或家长的口中得知原来世上是没有圣诞老人的。 明知是假的,却要当成真的告诉自己孩子,再善良的初衷,也破坏了小孩对父母的信任。我不愿意这样。小孩子应该可以信赖自己父母,我决定在这件事上以诚相告。当然他的浪漫童年缺少了一些浪漫,但是matter of fact的态度也可以有些技巧。 他问我圣诞老人的胡子是不是真的, 我说你下次自己摸摸就知道了。 虽然我们中国人从来都不曾真的相信过圣诞老人的存在,我们依然喜欢过圣诞。圣诞依然是个让人觉得欢快的节日。

放假从24号开始,虽然严格说24号仍是工作日。据说60%的本地人选择出城,去别处过节,所以街上很清静。 24号我们约了朋友来家里吃圣诞大餐,也为小孩子准备了礼物,但是没有说是圣诞老人送的,也没买袜子挂。现在家里都是暖气,没有壁炉和烟囱了,不知给孩子编织童话的父母,如何对付这个章节?

24号晚上,在微博上看到了李小龙关于跑步说的那段话,决心重新开始慢跑。 25号起来的不算早,但是还是毅然穿戴出门,拉伸一下就开跑了。 喜欢用脚来测量世界。搬过来已经十天了, 还没好好勘探过附近。于是决心先朝教堂方向跑。冬日北方的天空有一种独特的美,天空的颜色总是掺了些灰的, 或蓝,或黄。树木萧瑟,冰天雪地,天空又是那种凄迷的颜色,然人觉得如若梦中。天边环绕着黄色的光带,仿佛极地里不昼不夜的暮光晨曦。

我沿着街边白雪覆盖的人行道上人们铲出的小径跑,有时能踩到黑色的柏油地,有时是咯吱咯吱的冻硬的积雪。我边跑边观察街道两边的房屋。偶然会遇见一个路人,或站在自家门口的当地人,有人哈着白色的气出来遛狗,不耐烦的等狗拉尿。路上常看见被染黄的雪,知道是狗尿。这里的狗虽然体壮健硕,但主人都牵着绳子,这点儿还比较让我放心。国内常遇见狗主不牵绳子,心里常会不安的想:你的狗你当然说不咬,可是陌生人怎么会有那份自信。这里狗主人见到路人会主动拉紧绳子,侧身让你先过。虽然碰见许多狗,但是都well behaved, no barking.

教堂前一个老妇人手里捧着一摞册子,见到我迎上来,说着我听不懂的法语。我摆摆手,继续跑步。有人和我说话,我常疑惑是否是和我说的,madam,  我前后看看,madam只有我一个,应该是我了,再看人是一个黑人,瘦瘦的,像是一块熏黑的腊肉,在冷风里只穿了件黑夹克衫,走路身子倾斜到一边,像是随时要被一阵风吹倒似的。 我本能的加快脚步闪开他。他年纪轻轻的,圣诞节的早上这样伸手乞讨,又那么瘦的恍惚,该是吸毒或精神不正常吧。

我又继续跑,一个街区又一个街区,不停的想知道下一个路口是怎样的,下一个拐角有什么?我忽然想起阿甘,其实跑遍全美也不难,我想,我也可以这么一直跑下去,因为沿途总有不同的风景吸引着我的脚步。来加拿大后第一次跑步,就跑了近一个小时,也不觉得怎样累。

因为25号这天店铺都关门大吉,所以我们也无处可去。房东说他在cottage,不知他的cottage 是否在某个山上。我们闷在家里,除了吃饭,就是各自消遣。我捧着《world without end》 埋着头一直看,除了吃饭就低头看书。老公上网看电影,只有儿子最无聊, 时不时跑来骚扰我说: 我没意思!我说:没意思 怎么办呢?你要自己解决这个问题。找你想做的事。他摇头沮丧的 说:我除了玩游戏,就是对吃东西感兴趣,可是你又不让我吃,别的都没意思。

我看的故事有1000多页,讲的是中世纪的故事。我看得头皮发麻,一个女人生在那个时候,是多么危险,多么艰难。我被带到中世纪,带到一些不幸却顽强的女人生命中。
26号是BoxingDay,我对这个大血拼的机会欺骗已经。本来以为来了加拿大,自己会收敛些,没想到缺少的只是时机。淡薄了一个月的购物欲,忽然在机会面前复活了。兴致勃勃和一个新朋友约了一早去la baire血拼,结果我迟到了。先到的她短信我说,不必来了,所有的店都关门呢,要到下午一点才开门 。原来美剧里看的boxing day 多疯狂呀,凌晨就排队呢,原来他们北方的邻居要淡定许多。
终于吃了中饭,兴冲冲地一家人出发了。LG要买Xbox,已经等了一周多了,就等今天这个Boxing Day的特价。果然值得等待,价格降了¥50.而我去的Winners价格却和前日没有太多不同,也许是因为原本已是折扣店了。买了思慕已久的经典白衬衫一款,长款毛衣一件,短款毛衣一件。加币常欺蒙我,给我错觉十几几十很便宜,虽然我总在做算术,看折算成人民币是否能接受,但是那种错觉的影响总是在的。
圣诞的假期还在继续,我们发现自己已经加入了圣诞消费潮了,虽然我们是局外人,也不自禁就被卷入了,银子哗啦啦流出去了,我们回到家才觉得疼。看来,省钱最好的方法是闭门不出,可是一年才过一次圣诞节,怎么能错过呢?难得看到这个人口稀少的国家有人买东西排长队,也就这个时候才昙花一现了。


posted @ 2012-12-27 12:02 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(97) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
来到蒙特利尔时已经是半夜,装好行李,机场里已经空空当当了。排队乘出租,司机是个皮肤黝黑的矮壮男子。他英语讲的不地道,我猜想着他是否母语是法语,是第二代魁北克移民。他主动帮我们把一件件笨重的行李箱搬上车,一路上默然开车。我憋了半路,一会儿看向窗外,一会儿看着前方,用余光打量这个司机。他像是电影Casino里的黑社会,又像是一个本地良民。车子进入市区,我打破沉默,问他会说法语吗?他骄傲地说,会三种语言: 阿拉伯语,法语,英语。原来他不是本地人,是只身从黎巴嫩来到蒙特利尔的。我问他住得是否开心,他点点头,蒙特利尔很Nice,他说,89年到现在他一直生活在这里。父母兄弟都还在黎巴嫩。问起他为何少小离家?他说,you know, war. 负责协助我们relocation的中介Irene,邮件里介绍自己是红头发,那幽默口气和名字产生的联想,让我一直以为她会是位小姑娘。我们见面时发现她已经其实是姑娘的妈了,假如她有女儿的话。老公奇怪地嘀咕,不是说红头发么,根本不是红色呀。我小声中文解释,这种胡萝卜色的头发,就是英语里的Red hair。 Irene说自己仍然记得4岁时从爱尔兰坐船来加拿大的情形。寄人篱下的日子,她摇摇头说:It's a horrible memory.我紧张地回头看看坐后座上的儿子,他今年5岁,希望他不会在多年后如此回忆这段生活经历。Irene卷曲的披肩长发有些干枯,白底的脸上布满红色的血丝,麻麻的黄褐斑和雀斑。只有一双淡蓝色的眼睛,依然清澈,眼神里透出岁月沉积的睿智。每次见到Irene,无论天气如何,寒冷或温暖,晴朗或阴骘,她都是一袭齐着脚踝的长裙,里面光着腿,不穿棉袜。我问她不冷么?她说自己四季如此,不喜欢任何束缚,不论冬天多冷,都只穿裙子。她原来在加拿大的北部,四年前和魁北克老公回到老公的故乡-蒙特利尔。她说自己很喜欢旅行,和老公结婚12年才要的孩子,就是这个缘故。蒙特利尔是个岛,和南岸一桥相连。有次出去看房路过那座桥,它微笑着说:这是这世界上最美的桥。我诧异地问为什么,她灿烂又羞涩的笑着说:因为这座桥连着我回家的路。我每天过桥,上班下班。买房时我们选择在南岸,因为过了这座桥,房价差十万加币。 在Royal Mont看房时,带看的租赁部的男子长得十分帅气,藏蓝的制服穿在他挺拔魁梧的身体上,军人般英姿飒爽。他的脸像罗马雕像般精致,黑色卷曲的头发很短,打了发蜡,一丝不乱的贴在头上。他三十几岁的样子,笑起来露出雪白的牙齿。他和Irene讲法语,和我讲口音浓重的英语。原来他是罗马尼亚人,五年前来到蒙特利尔。喜欢这座城市吗?我问。很喜欢。他似乎很喜欢自己的工作,带我们看房不厌其烦,大房小房,高层低层,洗衣房,健身房,游泳池停车库,样样带我们都看到。我心里嘀咕,他拿提成吗?这么热心。可是他的热情又分明是不带功利的。他介绍房子的各样好,却一点儿也不给任何压力。因为靠近公墓,我后来还是放弃了那家公寓。 在Famile街上自己看到一个 A Loure的牌子,就打电话约了看房,接电话的是中年男子,他说我太太在家,你去二楼按门铃。清瘦的房东太太来开门,瞄见她自己家的样子。窗前摆着漂亮的植被,家里进深很深,纤尘不染。出租的房在一楼,我很喜欢这个地段,但是因为采光不好,犹豫着离开了。问是否价钱可以商量,她笑着说,问我先生吧, 我不管这些的。我心里想:男主外啊,她不工作,很传统的家庭。后来别处没看中,又电话给男的,这次带了老公儿子同去。终于也见到了房东本人。昏黄的路灯下他走下楼梯来握手,哇,长得真英俊。他电话里声音洪亮,自信爽利,原来也长着一张政客的讨喜脸。头发却都是银白的,光亮的银白色,并不觉得老,脸上的皮肤光洁,没有皱纹。我一时猜不出他年龄,究竟是四十多,还是五十?绝不可能是五十。我们二次上门,租房可能很大,他说我太太说你很nice,很喜欢你,一直盼你再回来。我笑着说了些客套话。家里一双儿女,儿子十四,女儿十六,都在起居室里坐着。他说一声say hello, 女儿转过头来,迎面看见她漂亮的黑头发,黑眼睛。儿子是个翩翩少年,笑着过来握手,头发是亚麻色的。听见儿子叫我mama,他惊奇地说,你们中文是叫mama?和意大利语一样的,我是意大利人 。我恍然。难怪这个家的氛围是这样的男权主义。他的家和家人都是美丽的,让我想起<绝望主妇>中那些看似完美的家庭,背后都是有故事的。他们这家人故事怎样,使否也有故事,我无缘揭晓了。 看房的经历,仿佛是扑在了蒙特利尔的万花筒上,每次碰见的人,像是联合国来开会的,阿尔及利亚人,墨西哥人,乌拉圭人,西班牙人,还有些我根本无法识别名字的小国。 有朋友问我,听说蒙特利尔的人都很友好,真的如此吗?是真的。大家操着各种口音的英语,却脸上却都带着一样温暖的笑容。耐心,友好,没有歧视。我喜欢这样的城市。Irene说,可能正是因为这是一个移民城市的缘故。大家都来自世界各地 ,都很珍惜在加拿大的美好新生活,大家对他人很友好,因为他们自己心情好。因为自己也来自不同文化,所以可以包容不同文化。
posted @ 2012-11-28 07:46 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(89) | 评论 (2)编辑 收藏

离开上海去西藏旅行, 也不过两周时间。昨晚从拉萨回到上海,忽然有了陌生感,是熟悉又陌生的感觉,仿佛与昔日恋人重逢, 曾经的熟悉,今日的陌生,交织在一起,学会了从陌生的视角去审视往昔的熟悉。

 

上海气候温润,呼吸时不再觉得鼻痛,下了飞机,就感受到茵茵的一股热气袭来,包围着你, 觉得暖暖的,像是一个温暖的拥抱。上海的天空已是灰色的,机场明显的时尚现代文明,彰显着大都市的气魄与魅力。 街上灯火通明。噪声永远在背景音乐里演绎,渐渐变成一种习惯,习惯到可以被忽略。我的心,却还惦记着高原,高原上湛蓝的天空, 云很低很白, 站在屋顶上时,静的只能听到风的声音,鸟的鸣啭。

 
晚上睡到自己的床上, 也是熟悉又陌生的感觉,仿佛原来陌生的床已经变成习惯, 原来习惯的床却变的有些陌生。熄灯后躺在暗夜里,感觉似乎仍在游走,仍在高原做各式各样的梦。

 

这么多年了, 第一次推开家门时, 有一瞬间,忽然从一个陌生人的视角来看每个房间,哪里突兀,哪里不协调。那种感觉转瞬即逝,然后家又变成了熟悉的地方,习惯的力量让你觉得一切都很自然而然, 仿佛手是身体的一部分一样,家也是身体在空间上的延伸。

 

第一天回来上班,早上从衣橱里找出都市出行衣,衬衫, 修身裤,然后登上高跟鞋,拿出皮包,取了钥匙走出门去。陌生感总是在第一瞬间袭来: 今天的我不再穿着冲锋裤,踩着徒步鞋乱撞, 今天我有固定的路线,固定的到达时间,固定的交通工具,固定的吃饭时间。我小心的保留着自己的好奇心, 不让自己太快“进入角色”,习惯这里的一切旧的生活。 我努力保持自己做为旅行者的那刻好奇心,用做游客时的眼光来审视自己的熟悉的生活。

地铁里挤满了人, 每个人都面无表情,或者一副冷漠的表情。有人戴着耳机,有人在玩手机,有人只是漠然的望着车窗。 我的脑里浮现出藏民手持念珠念念有声的出现在车厢里的情形,浮现出藏民亲切的笑容, 害羞的表情。我自己不是也拿着iPad吗?才是回来的第一天,我已经不再好奇的东张西望,不再思考和敏锐观察周遭了。

我有什么变化呢? 心里永远住下了林芝的桃花,美丽的羊湖,巍峨的珠峰, 冰晶雪莹的的纳木错,纯净的蓝天, 变幻的云朵,陌生的笑脸和善意。

我开始怀疑自己按部就班的生活,我究竟要过怎样的生活呢?至少我知道生活是可以不同的, 我也可以像藏民那样生活,如果愿意放下现在的熟悉舒适的生活。 我也可以像有些人那样爱上西藏后, 把自己嫁给西藏,从游客变成永居。我不排斥, 甚至喜欢自己现在的都市生活。看到光明电影院泰坦尼克号3D电影的大海报,看到修剪整齐的花坛,穿梭的豪车和都市白领,我觉得这生活并不坏。 我只是不希望自己变得麻木,对熟悉的一切都失去知觉。无论在哪里生活,时间久了都容易麻木,也许藏民对我们惊叹的美景也像我们对都市高楼的麻木一样。

离开熟悉,走进陌生, 再带着陌生回到熟悉。 我忽然更能珍惜一切,不再视一切拥有为理所当然。
 
 

posted @ 2012-04-16 11:54 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(27) | 评论 (1)编辑 收藏
阴霾的二月非雨即风,灰色的天空,灰色的城市,灰色的大地,一起都是灰色的。这个料峭春寒犹胜严冬的二月里,偏偏因为引进了西方的情人节而浪漫起来,仿佛漫山荒原上绽独自放开一树的桃花,让人眼前一亮。

于是,二月变成了一个谈情说爱的季节。

14号那天,尽管阴雨绵绵,凄风处处,情人们的脸上却堆满了暖暖的笑意。女孩子们手里捧着一支或者一束玫瑰,或者巧克力或者玩偶花,男孩子们殷勤地陪护在身边。地铁里看到一簇大大的红色心型玫瑰花环,餐厅里到处都是情人节主题的晚餐套餐。这是一个商家的节日, 一个爱人们共度共享温馨的日子。虽然说恋爱中的人天天都是情人节,可是普天下的情人们共享共庆公然示爱的共同浪漫日子,一年里也只有这一天。

什么是情,什么是爱呢?

刻骨铭心的爱,都是在失去后的回忆中才品出的滋味,仿佛普洱茶,当时未必觉得如何,要经过岁月的发酵,味道才醇厚起来。失去后方才觉得那是一生中最蚀骨销魂的,是因为后来经历的爱,无论开始如何浓烈,如果到了一起,最终都被岁月冲淡磨平了吧。

A woman in love is at her best, showering in love, like a flower showering in sun, her overflowing happiness lends her a special charm.

恋爱中的人,忘记一切,忘记他(她)的缺点,忘记现实的残酷,只管爱,仿佛被爱的热气球绑架到了云端,远离尘世。然后忽然间,总会有那么一瞬间,云开地现,惊讶地发现自己原来离地面这么遥远,忽然恐惧袭来,仿佛热气球泄了气,或者气太满爆炸了,慢慢地或者一下子就会跌落回现实。前者是软着路,失落是一点一点来的, 后者是断骨折筋,立刻间粉身碎骨的可能也有。

爱和现实总是冲突着,仿佛有前者没后者,有后者没前者。而婚姻,是两者的折中。

充满激情地爱,仿佛瀑布,仿佛海潮,看着澎湃涌动,令人神往,实则难以驾驭,风险万千。渐渐地我们都变得现实又保守,宁可爱如湖泊,宁静,清澈,波澜不惊。至于那种海啸火山般的Grand Passion, 小说电影里看看就够了,搬入现实是在太劳神伤身。现实又究竟是什么呢? 现实是冲淡,折中,中庸,不完美,无奈,残酷,而浪漫的情人节,我们也只允许一年当中有一次 -- 也许365天的现实太单调了, 所以单独指定一天来织造浪漫。可是这样的浪漫,因为是指定的,普天下的, 商业化的,因而觉得有些虚假的成分,没意趣,没创意,不独特,不够满足我们的猎奇心。所谓浪漫,不就是要不同于寻常,不同于平庸,不同于他人的模式,不同于刻意安排吗?

浪漫是一种心情,SPANTANOUS,一个接吻,一个不值钱的礼物,杯水果茶,都可以是浪漫的。懂得浪漫的人, 一生都在浪漫里。

渴望浪漫的人是勇敢的,浪漫一次容易,保持浪漫却需要心境和勇气。
posted @ 2012-02-16 15:56 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(29) | 评论 (1)编辑 收藏

写微博如吃快餐,写博客如烹佳肴。

2011年的最后一天, 总是难免回望过去的一年,盘点自己的生活和变化。

旅游网站建成了一半,至今价格不全,不能上线。

这一年, 女人意识开始觉醒,开始从心底里Enjoy做女人,开始品味身为女人的快乐。开始化了淡妆去上班, 开始注意服饰的搭配, 开始明白, 女人无论何时都不能自弃--哪怕曾经的爱情已经到了冬天, 哪怕你爱的人不再爱你,哪怕生活许多不如意,你都要一直坚信自己, 爱自己。生活的目标,不是讨好任何人, 迎合他人的喜欢,而是努力做自己喜欢的事,让自己快乐,只要在追求这个目标的同时,兼顾到他人的感受就好。

孩子, 老公, 都不能是生活的全部。如果你有多重角色要扮演, 那就先演好自己的本色角色: 你自己, 作为I, 自己是怎样一个人, 喜欢什么, 擅长什么,弱点是什么?然后再去衡量, 作为母亲,作为妻子,你的角色定位是什么?未必要以贤妻良母为目标, 但是要尽到自己社会角色应尽的责任。孩子, 老公都会离开你, 只有你自己, 是自己一直的朋友。不要指望靠他人生活, 永远不要。无论老公如何成功和爱你, 别人能给你的, 别人也能拿走: 比如安适的生活, 比如幸福快乐。只有你自己给与自己的, 才是真正安全的。 并不是说要拒绝别人的给予,得到来自他人的美好时, 心存感激地接受就好, 可是不要依恋。花自飘零水自流, 有落英缤纷, 娇花照水自然是美好的衬托,没有, 水一样流向自己的远方,不会因为沿途清浊改道。

工作上的变化, 是明年开始做兼职。收入会减半, 时间会多半。这个加减法很简单。 我喜欢这样的变化,看看自己用多出来的时间,可以做出什么事来。

最近在读《佐伯千津》, 觉得真是一本不错的书。如果自己二十几岁时读到这样的书, 也许现在又是另一人生境界。虽然她讲到的道理,自己也渐渐也在多年曲折后悟道,但是有几样还是觉得如同当头棒喝。其中一个, 就是做事要用心。 自己做事,还算不得用心。她的确是个灵心慧质的女人, 自己太懒散了, 比如家里就是一团乱, 比如送礼物, 没有那样去花过心思。 用心,是尊重别人, 也是尊重自己。 这个不是单纯性格的差异, 是修养的差异。

30岁左右时, 会惧怕年龄,现在反到坦然了。

另一本在读的有感悟的书,是IMPOSSIBLE LOVE《不可能的爱》。 一切爱, 都是不可能的。对于爱人, 对于父母, 对于孩子,对于生命。爱是不能把握,不能占有,不能存储的。生命也是如此, 没有人承诺你一生有多久, 你只有把自己生命的每一天像太阳式的生活: 竭尽全力,释放你的光和热,充分燃烧自己。从明天,2012开始。




posted @ 2011-12-31 11:07 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(29) | 评论 (1)编辑 收藏

看《步步惊心》时, 心里一直在琢磨,何以若曦,一个奉茶宫女, 会如此深得一个皇子和皇帝的喜欢, 四爷会对她如此倾心相爱,刻骨蚀魂。 以身份来看, 自是悬殊,以相貌来看,若曦也并非绝色,然而若曦做为一个女人, 确实是一个特别的女人,她有自己特别的魅力,也真是这种恰到好处的独特吸引了众皇子们。

若曦的特别, 首先是她的超然淡薄。 皇宫里众人皆明争暗斗,趋趋向利,向名,而她不为所动,于此从不挂怀。 她活着时待人平等,临高不卑,临卑不踞,死时没有钱银,除了出宫时获封侧福晋,她没有身份的改变, 一直是宫女。

若曦处事谨慎,却为人爽直,她有侠骨,有柔情。她喜欢结交朋友,不论贵贱出身,待友情深意重,肯付出,对陌生人亦常怀悲天悯人之心。她有真性情,有正义感强,但凡当为能为之事,她必倾心尽力相助。

若曦作为一个女人, 优点就更多了。在男人面前,她不犯女人都爱犯的毛病: 乱讲话,爱叨唠。她嘴巴不碎,耳朵常竖立。她真正做到了谨言慎行。对于向她倾诉苦恼的人, 她善于倾听,关键之处, 她微言要义点播化解。她懂得什么时候该沉默,什么时候该开口。开口也从不说教,她打比喻,讲故事,不阿谀,不批评。看到自己关心的人受苦,她的沉默里有懂得,一包眼泪里有疼惜。偶然说句话,总是很体己,很温和,小心不碰触对方。比如宫里四爷被骂, 八爷被罚,她总有一包眼泪,话却很少。她对满腹委屈的四爷说“回去吧”时,只有三个字,可是眼里却柔情万种, 那样的眼神,告诉你她懂得,你所有的委屈和伤痛。若曦跪在雨里,四爷去看她,她也只有几个字“你的心意我懂, 你回去吧”。四爷做了新皇帝, 众人不服,母亲也不认可自己,面冷的四爷第一次披肝沥胆,大倒苦水, 若曦只是专注的听,然后一包眼泪地望着他,仿佛比他还痛苦,无言地斟酒,两人泪中有笑对饮。胤禛皇帝问她,你觉得我会是个好皇帝吗? 这个问题多难回答呀, 回答是吧,他自己都不确定,你这么确定,不是有阿谀之嫌吗,回答不,也不行, 难道你不信他,不支持他吗?回答不知道,也不行,难倒两人不“相知”吗? 若曦却淡定地化解了这个问题: 你觉得自己是,就是。这个话,透露了对对方的极度信任,又极其诚实。纵观全剧,若曦是个很会讲话的女人,不在于她讲得如何多,而在于她知道什么时候沉默,以无声胜有声。

每个男人都是孤独的,她懂得男人的孤独;每个男人的自尊都是脆弱的,她尊重并小心呵护着男人的自尊。皇子们身边自然不缺少美女,却缺少真正懂得自己,又什么都不争的女人。

若曦就是这样一个女人,在爱情中她柔情万种, 却不会失去自我。当爱情碰触了她的价值观时,她宁愿失去爱情。她爱的深切, 却不卑微。在她心中,爱虽珍贵,却并不是一切。她离开爱人的怀抱,却得到了一世情。


 
posted @ 2011-12-13 15:04 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(62) | 评论 (1)编辑 收藏

 

爱,会渴望拥有。


春天的时候,空气变暖,土壤变软,树木感受到春天的气息,芽孢从裸睡的枝条里拱出来,伸个懒腰,长出新绿的叶,绿叶夏天洒下一片浓荫,秋天变幻出绚丽的霓裳,冬天,树叶枯黄,在冷风里瑟瑟发抖,挣扎着停留在枝头,再久一些。最后一阵风里,树叶轻轻地从枝头断开,因不舍而在风中旋转,徘徊,最终落下,结束它了树的缘。树根从土壤里奋力汲取营养,供养它的所需,树干竭力输送那营养,使它不至匮乏,而树叶,也奋力生长,变化,用美丽回报,用自己汲取积蓄的阳光能量回报树。如果是爱,这是多美的爱情。可是树可曾拥有过树叶?树叶一直在它的体外,靠着细细的叶茎相连;树叶,又可曾拥有过树呢?一样细细的叶茎,是它们所有和唯一的联系。

秋末时,它们的缘就尽了,来年新生的叶,和这季的叶,毕竟不同。来年的树,也不复是今年的树。树的年轮,大概就是为了记载这样一段又一段美丽短暂的爱情。

树和叶都曾经互相拥有,又似乎从不曾真正拥有,它们只是互相给予,互相丰富,互相点缀彼此的生命。

 

爱一个人,也会渴望拥有。

男人女人,在相遇之前的生命,在爱情之前的生活全部,都是在为一份爱准备着,仿佛冬天的种子等待春天,积蓄能量在春天里破土发芽。时间对了,条件成熟,爱情就发芽。
这时会,爱情里的男女渴望彼此拥有,身体的拥有,身份的占有。单身男女于是变身已婚夫妇,男女都长舒一口气,从此他/她是我的了。其实,这样的拥有,只不过是名分的占有,如果一对男女,在一起做的事无非是同一张桌吃饭,同一张床睡觉,没有思想的沟通,缺乏灵魂的交流,这样的距离,是真正的“咫尺天涯”,慢慢地,两人人相互觉得陌生,疏远,在外人看来他们彼此拥有对方,可实际上他们已经接近陌路。这是许多蜜月期过后恋人的悲哀,他们忘记了两人当初渴望在一起是希望彼此了解,希望通过在一起会有更多了解。

 

爱是灵魂的事,也是身体的事,然而身体的交融却无法抚慰灵魂的冷。自然,每个人,最终都是孤独的来,孤独的去,灵魂的交融却让我们感到温暖,慰籍。为了这份温暖,慰籍,我们苦苦寻觅,挑剔筛选,然后最终决定和他/她一起终老,然而最后却发现,那份热恋时的温暖,只不过像日光下的石头,夜来了它就一点点冷下去,冷到骨子里。

 

花儿开得美丽香艳,养了我们的眼。有人可以看看走过,有人渴望拥有。渴望拥有的人,折断花枝,携它回家,插在瓶里养着,觉得自己拥有了它的美丽。每天看,看不倦,直到花枯叶褪,才悻悻地拿出去丢掉,心里叹,它曾经这样美丽。看看走过的人,不忍心碰触,希望它开的自在,开得长久,知道采摘也不能拥有,索性不去碰它,只是多看一眼。 也有花痴,不采摘,也不走开,每天对着花儿看,看它如何在晨曦暮光里舒卷,看它如何在轻风微醺里曼舞,看它如何在骄阳下慵懒,看它如何在蜂蝶嬉戏里战栗,只是看,专注的看。这样的花痴,可能拥有过这花?似乎一手指也不曾碰触,可是却真的拥有过。

所谓爱的拥有,就是欣赏,就是由衷喜欢,欣赏每个细节,在一起的每寸光阴,喜欢时不加分辨,由衷地全部接纳。

 

这样的爱,人对花是痴,人对人是真。然而不论是对花,还是对人,这样的极致之爱,都是稀有。

爱到痴真时,不求拥有,却已经拥有。不求长久,却已是天长地久

posted @ 2011-12-07 10:58 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(32) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
小时候有写日记的习惯,写了好多本, 放在老家父母家的书架上积着厚厚的灰。上次回去偶然翻开,心里震惊,原来那是的我是那样的,笔迹也发生了许多变化。

人每天每刻都在变化着, 思绪,思想,性格,心情,欢喜忧愁交替着, 仿佛水上的涟漪,起伏不定, 完全平静如镜的时候,真是少。

日子过得匆忙,像是无形的网, 慢慢结节,慢慢延伸,慢慢到达终点。这一路的旅行,这一路的风景,我们有时太匆忙,来不及细看,来不及多想,来不及咂摸滋味,囫囵的吞下一天又一天。写日志,好像反刍似的, 可以供老来回忆,可以给消失的岁月留下一点儿轨迹。

写日记有一个麻烦,就是隐私问题, 我们想在日记里吐露心事,又怕被人看去,于是些得轻描淡写,不过瘾,索性不写了。我就是这么中断写日记的。 现在想想,日记也未必要每日做灵魂的洗礼,即使记下流水,也是好的。吴晗日记不是简单的就几行字,难得的是每天都记下。我打算重新开始记日记,就从今天开始吧。
posted @ 2014-05-27 23:21 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(17) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
Precall Plannner Worksheet
1. Organization name.... phonetic pronunciation
2. Interview schedule.....A interview with ___Location___Time___
                                   B interview with ___Location___Time___
3. Snapshot summary of organization
Industry_______
Product________
Customers_____
Competitions_____
Reputation and image_______
News tidbits____

4. Why this company should hire you ( what dollarizable value you will bring. what problem you will solve)




posted @ 2014-05-27 23:07 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(11) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
选择这个电影,完全是因为想练法语听力,看它拿过大奖,好奇想知道这个丑主演会有一个怎样的故事。 故事完全出乎意料,DVD背后的剧透被我完全忘记了,看到一半才想起来,噢,是关于一个画画的女佣的。 影片一开头就让人揪心,不是揪心的紧张,是一种揪心的美。早上的太阳才刚刚在河畔的林梢升起,有火红的颜色却没有火红的热感。女主角用手在河水的泥浆里摸索着,听见教堂的钟声敲响,就急匆匆奔向教堂。 法国北部的古城SENLIS很美,绿郁葱葱,不规则的石头砌成的路,高耸入云的哥特式教堂。SERAPHINE坐下来动情的歌唱着圣歌。 她帮人洗衣服,做家务,打零散的工,挣零星的钱,她过得清苦,憋促,没有朋友,没有家人,没有尊重她,没有人感激她。 然而她是快乐的,她说自己伤心时会去拥抱大树,会和鸟儿虫儿说话,然后,悲伤就会过去。 然而SERAPHINE有一个秘密,她夜里会发出奇怪的噪音吵醒楼下的房东,她制造自己秘密的颜料,她画画到天亮。 天亮了她继续给人做粗活,她继续辛劳的过活,她的生命,宛如她的艺术作品,在黑的不眠的夜里,绚丽绽放。 她画的原始,奇特的美,没有人能欣赏,除了那个德国艺术收藏夹, Wilhelm Uhde. 他发现给自己做女佣的SERAPHINE竟然有这等天赋,他欣赏她的画,鼓励她继续画。他资助她。她对他,有埋藏极深的喜欢,却埋藏的深到无言。 战争(第一次世界大战)来临,他仓促出逃, 留下他的收藏的艺术品,她的画,还有SENLIS的生活记忆。 战争结束后,他没有再回来寻找他新发现的画画天才,他继续过自己的生活,直到他听见一个画展的消息。他又一次看见SERAPHINE 的画,又一次被触动。他去寻找她,买下她的画,做她的画展,他赞助她,她的人生似乎黑夜遇见黎明,忽然亮堂起来。 她的画被认可了,她几乎要成名了,然而经济大萧条来临了,她的梦,她梦想自己成名,梦想买一个大房子,梦想自己的作品在全世界被认可,破灭了。她的救世主UHDE 也在经济萧条时抛弃了她,就如同一战时他骤然离去一样。SERAPHINE 陷入绝望,崩溃。她的结局令人伤感,感慨人生的无奈,现实的残酷。 人生的好年华短暂,她在好年华里过着苦日子,人生的好日子对她来说更短暂,她才尝到甜头,开了胃口,结果一下就没了。 她的灵性,她的激情,她对生活和自然的爱,留在世间,她的画里。
posted @ 2014-05-16 02:19 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(12) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
去西藏的青朴修行地旅行那天,和一个来自内蒙古的女孩结伴。她只有十九岁,读书读不下去了,忽然逃课买了张火车票就来到拉萨。去青朴的人不算多,我们在青旅认识,偶然结伴。 青朴修行地的路上非常静谧,我们在静谧的上山沿着小溪,蜿蜒的小路上山,一路上没有其他行人,也没有其他任何声音,我们听得见自己在高原上的喘息,还有自己说话的声音。在这样的情形下,人很容易打开自己。因为我们原是陌生人, 以后也复是陌生人,讲出来的话没有再继续背负和面对的压力。她谈及童年说,爸爸妈妈总是吵架,妈妈想离婚又下不了决心,老是来问她,离了婚愿意跟谁过,离了婚她能不能接受。她说:问得我烦死了,要离就离吧,干嘛老是问我!与其这样,不如早些离了! 后来她的爸爸妈妈还是一直没离,大概终于下不了决心,直到她上了大学,才算有个了结。 又有一个相熟的朋友,说小时候父母也是总吵架,爸爸对妈妈很不好,一直忍着爸爸,为了她和哥哥,但是最终还是忍不下去了,离了。她说宁愿离了清净,因为不愿再看到父母那样反目相像。 又认识一个十三四的女孩子,五岁时父母就离了婚,她觉得自己家没了,虽然母亲待她很好,继父也很客气,可她心里还是愿父母在一起,她说,至少妈妈爸爸等我长大了再离。又有一个父母离异的十七岁的男孩子,说:离婚干嘛要问我?问我我就说不要离!他们的事自己决定了,我只能接受了。 到考虑到离婚这一步,婚姻总是有问题的。离还是不离,很多父母犹豫不决的原因,是顾忌小孩。怕小孩受伤,想要保护她/他,给他/她一个完整的家,可是一起撑着这个家的两个人却心已远,又要勉强很近的站在一起,为了共同给孩子撑住这个家。可是对于小孩子, 也真的很难说。在不和睦的父母争吵的夹缝中长大的小孩,都是宁可父母早离了清净,而真正父母离异的小孩们,又有的会希望父母再为自己多维持几年。 没有经历过离异的小孩,觉得争吵不和睦最苦,想着离婚后的清净应胜于勉强的婚姻。不勉强的婚姻离散后,小孩子没有受过自己爱的两个人整日争吵的苦,总幻想着或许父母在一起更好。中国的父母,离婚时多会顾忌到小孩许多,犹豫踌躇再三,很难痛下决心。西方的父母,认为生活的第一责任是对自己负责,勉强的婚姻是对自己不负责,也就是对小孩不负责。他们认为离婚的小孩未必不快乐,快乐的离异的父母胜过勉强痛苦的家庭。当然前提是离异的父母双方都能重新找回自我,找回生活的快乐。勉强的婚姻里,也有不痛苦的小孩,因为父母把双方的矛盾都包藏得很好,不给小孩知道,在小孩面前从不争吵,所以小孩的生活环境是平和,愉快的,即使没有看见父母间爱的表现,至少也没有看见那么恨的表达(互相打骂)。 对于小孩来说,每天看见自己爱的两个人在一起,他们之间是和睦的,他/她心里才会有安全感,才会觉得踏实。离与不离,究竟还是看作为小孩的父母,两个人是如何相处的。小孩默默观察,体会着如何与人共处,就是从家里开始。如果家里看见的是平等,尊重,友好,爱和接纳,他/她长大后也就容易去平等,尊重,友好,爱和接纳他人,就能更好的融入社会。如果勉强的婚姻中,父母能做到这些,就可以继续勉强,如果做不到,就不要再勉强下去。小孩子看见父母分离,以后不能每天同时看见两个人或许会失落,但是更难过的却是看见自己爱的两个人相虐相憎,这样就不让早分以减轻小孩的痛苦。 父母总想保护小孩,但是自己也保护不了时自然也保护不了孩子。至于是否离婚这个决定,千万不要问未成年的孩子。他/她们无法做出理性的分析,也只能感性的表达自己的态度。也许这样的问题会令他们吃惊,担忧,不知如何是好的惶恐。有些父母会希望用小孩的意见来帮助自己做决定,比如离婚后孩子跟谁?是否离婚,什么时候离, 这个就是在推卸责任了。虽然妈妈们最容易脆弱和犹豫不决,最容易向小孩子求助,可是内心一定要坚定的告诉自己:我是成年人,这是我要想清楚再做出决定并承担后果,不能把责任推卸给孩子。 夫妻们决定好后,如果是离,就一起坐在孩子面前平静地告诉他/她一个事实,就是爸爸妈妈都是爱你的,只是爸爸妈妈不再在一起生活了。如果是继续,就要双方约定好没有爱的激情也要有基本的善意和尊重,小孩看见的父母虽然没有多少如胶似漆的爱意, 却也有相敬如宾的尊重。假如离婚,离异的父母双方也都应做到不在孩子面前,对方背后讲对方的不是,说对方坏话,最受伤害的是孩子。此外,各种重建阳光的生活,不然心里装满怨恨和阴霾,孩子才能更快适应变化的生活。 在小孩出生前,父母相识后缔结家庭才有了小孩,在小孩出生后,家庭会面临它自己方方面面的问题,问题不能解决家庭就可能分解。因家庭先于小孩而存在,小孩习惯适应于家庭这个环境,会本能的排斥和恐惧变化,但是最终是能适应的。离婚的小孩,也有快乐健康的,婚姻中的小孩,也有有问题的,关键不在婚姻与否,而在于小孩的成长环境能否充满阳光,充满正向的元素。 离或不离,父母都要一直用心努力,每天让阳光照进孩子的生活。
posted @ 2014-05-13 01:00 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(39) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
In Montreal, you can not beat the view from the top of Mont Royal. The hill slowly sloped to grounds, streets, with its tall trees densely spread all over. The beautiful curve of the platform on the top of Mont Royal make it looks like the deck of boat, and looking far ahead from the top your eyes would meet the skyline where it meets the earth. The sky and the earth mingled in yellowish brown glowing with mellow lights and blue mist. In between is the city, Montreal. The city occupied the vast space between the far away glowing mysterious place where sky and earth mingle, and the stone wall in front your body and the hard rock paved ground under your feet. The view is remarkable, breath taking, lovely, pretty...all the expression the people used seems to pale out in front of it’s reality. I observed the vast metropolitan city spread in front of me, I saw the small cars and small people, and the medium sized high buildings and low roofs, and I thought about the life and soul carried in eath of these people, and the life and soul hidden behind each window and door, behind each glasses tinted or thickened, and behind each various clothe style and material, and I wondered, how people live in real life feel self to be so large, as if it could swallow the whole universe. Indeed we are so small, such small mini creatures could amazingly carry so much love, pain, dream, sadness, it’s the emotions that seems to fill up the universe. Our small fragile human body, busied about here and there, wanted this and that, heart sweeten and heart broken, consumed constantly, ceaselessly, tirelessly by emotions. Would life be much lighter, easier, if we don’t bear so much emotions, no love, no fear, no anger, no sadness, no dreams no depression , no illusions no disillusions, just live, like a tree, like a plant. Perhaps then we would live much longer, but how boring it would be, to be touched by nothing, to feel nothing. Bleeds, wounds, inside out, sweetness, bitterness, bittersweetness, all the flavors mixed and mingled into one, called “the taste of life”. Which is a complex and a complication, constantly changing its formulations, never purely sweet or bitter, never purely happy or sad, never stable in its chemical, but ever so delicious. If there is any doubt, just look at how crowded earth is, with plenty of being fear of death, giving everything to linger around longer on earth.
posted @ 2014-05-12 23:39 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(95) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
Sometimes it feels like under a huge storm, rain falls like bullets, wind blows and rain pours, clouds thickens and sky darkens, and tree bends so low and shaks so hard, it lost its leaves, its branches break, its trunk bends very low, and it fears it would not survied it. Yet, all it needs to do, is wait another day. Another day the wind would stop, the rain too, the cloulds would disappear, the sky light up and its trunk lift off, its new leaves grow, its new branches sprout....all it needs to do, is wait another day. Another day, it would get better.
posted @ 2014-05-12 23:04 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(22) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
If happiness is a choice, why would any one choose to be unhappy? If miserary is not a choice, why some one could get out of there while others could not? If happiness is a goal, which the whole world and the whole human being, and each of our whole life is chasing after, why so few people actually "get it"? Perhaps happiness is like a butterfly, you could rarely capature it by running after it, you just have be there like a flower, live vividely and being beautiful, be there and butterfly will fall upon you. It would fell so lightly, that you could bearly feel its arrival until it kicks off. We seldom know we are happy, at the moment of happiness, we are like a flower busy blossoming, absorbing wholely in the shake of air, in the blow of wind, in the kiss of sunshine, in life itself. We don't realize we were happy, until we were lesser happy or became misery, than we look back at the fleeting moment and saw: Aha, I was so happy. Happiness is a history, it's always in past tense when it comes to recognization. Sometimes we have this far intuitive feeling, certain moments in life we feel life is so fulfilled, like a ballon filled with air, that we could almost fly, then either th' ;%߈Zh8LE' ;%߈Zhsuddenly, or it burst off while you had seized it too hard. Happiness is not to be found, but remembered, not chased, but arrived.
posted @ 2014-04-26 11:15 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(21) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
It started to rain in the morning, while we were still in the classroom that faces Mont Royal, we heard the rain fell suddenly and rapidly, hitting the glass panel of the rear windows in our class, like anxious knocks at the door in quiet night. It shocked us, and nearly the whole class turned to look. The girl sitting next to me is in love, she is sending text messages to her love during class, and I glanced over and saw an text from her Italian lover appearing in yellow highlights signifying it's a message she received from him: 'Where are you my love?" Aha, it's the international language of lovers, "my love" exist in all languages, in French it's "Mon amour", in Spanish "Mi amour" in Italian "Mio Amore". He is a bastard of Italian and Spanish, speaking French and English fluently as foreign language, and Italian and Spanish as mother tongues. She confessed, although she has a boy friend, she had fallen in love with this Italian. He is so charming, so gentle, so hopelessly romantic, comparing to her Chinese boy friend who support her financially generously, she found from this Italian what has been missing from her Chinese boy friend. She knew she depends heavily on her unromantic Chinese boy friend her quality of life and financial freedom, but on the other side her feelings toward him is weak and dry. To fairly state it, she needs him more than she wants him. It's a relationship of somewhat, if not purely love, perhaps un exchange of needs, of interest, un fair one? It's the most popular exchange in the market of society: Money for Beauty. Money for security. Who can criticize it? If both sides are willing to do so, and are doing so freely. The older I grow, the less strict I am to criticize others. We are all easily judgemental, to others. But who are we really to say what's wrong or what's right? Each one is entitled to live as they wish, happy or miserable, it's a personal choice. If they were able to achieve happiness, congratulations. If they were in misery, pity them, for they know no better otherwise. We are all victims of our own choice, while we all make our best effort to do it right. When we do it wrong, we need not to hear a denouncement, but sympathy. The punishment is not necessary to be given by others, because the result itself, of a bad decision, make us suffer enough already. My classmate told me, her Italian asked to her official boy friend, but she could not right now, because she wants to see after 6 months, after the passions fade away, how he would be like. She lowered her head and then looked into my eyes and said "I think we have lesser 40% of chance. More likely than not, this love affair won't last. It won't lead us to marriage." If her intuitive feelings are true, why does she still continue? Why is she planning a trip to Europe together with this Italian? Because she is in love, knowing their future is vague doesn't stop her steps of advancing in love. Love is like a legend, people hear about it and doubt whether it's real until it's being experienced personally. I watched her, like watching a play on live show, like watching the rain fell, flapping the glass window panel. What love will do to her? Who knows. Perhaps that's exactly the charm of life, because of all the uncertainties, like the uncertainty of a rainfall. Sometimes rains save the lives of plants, sometimes it kills off, sometimes the rain nurses, sometimes the rain ruins. The Right "Rain" quench the thirst of life, while the Wrong "Rain" floods away the base of life. Who knows? Love happens, like life happens, life rain falls.
posted @ 2014-04-16 05:13 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(56) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
近来生活多起伏,变化莫测。原本以为既定,也不再确定,对生活生出许多怀疑。 开始的时候听见对方应许的好,会兴奋和期待,然而很快就发现对方未必有心食言,却真的未必能兑现。他或许无心食言,食言只是力不从心。 对未来充满希望时,仿佛是人在山巅,世界在眼里也是美好的,身上充满能量;而生活会毫无准备的把你从山巅推落谷底,这个时候世界便是是黯淡的,人也提不起精神。 人是多么容易被他人左右,被他人的情绪,他人的作为牵引着,像波浪一样带着我们沉浮。几次沉浮后,就会学乖,不再期冀未来如何好,也不再悲哀谷底如何难过。最终学会的,是出离。 出离生活,也就可以出离生活的烦恼。可是出离生活之后,我也出离了地球的吸引。不眠的夜里躺在床上,我觉得自己轻飘飘地,像是一片羽毛,像是被空气稀释了。我感觉不到自己的重量,也感觉不到存在的喜悦。 之前看鲁迅说“出离愤怒”, 我知道是愤怒到极致后的冷淡。如今我出离了生活,是否也是对生活失去信念之后的淡薄。睡眠差时,人容易情绪低落,情绪低落兼睡眠恶劣时,就容易觉得生活无味。无味的生活,就容易出离,出离就是不抱期望,也不抱失望,不抱幻想, 也不抱妄想。 其实我也并未出离生活,我只是不再天真的相信生活的美好是可以持久的。如果你的头不停被按进水里,然后你抬起头的那一刻会大口的呼吸,然后你的头再按入水里,你透不过起来,然后你的头再次浮出水面,然后你再被按入水中,反复几次后,你会在头浮出水面时,一面大口呼吸,一面等待着下次被按入水中的窒息感的来袭。生活教会了你一个规律,就是一切都是不长久的。你抬头那一刻看见的阳光灿烂天空湛蓝是不长久的,你在水下那一刻的蔽障窒息也不会一直持续。 生活的真相忽然被你发现了,那就是一切都不是永恒的,不但不永恒,而且一直都在变化。你刚以为这一刻天气晴好,就会忽然吹起冷风下起暴雨,你刚以为暴雨会洪涝成灾,忽然就雨过天晴,太阳热辣辣地罩在头上。 也许是我们反应迟钝的缘故,总是比变化慢了半拍,当下一个节目上演时,我们总是还停留在前一个节目的印象里。 一年有四季的变化,一天也有朝暮午昏的变化,生活每时每刻都在变化。该如何应对这些无非预测的变化呢?就是不对未来做期盼,此日不知次日事,远虑近忧都作空。既不替未来快乐,也不替未来担忧,只是实实在在活了这一刻,这一日。听来简单,有几人能做到呢?
posted @ 2014-03-12 08:43 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(20) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
If you found a bundle of tangled thread, and you don't know where is the beginning or where is the end, and you don't see you could sort it out neatly back to order. What would you do? You cast it in rubbish bin or take a scissor and cut it off clean. But what if you find these tangled threads in your head? How do you cast them off to a rubbish bin or cut it off neatly? We weave such tangled threads in our head all the time. One thought appears, it goes in one direction and then another, it went round and round, and then another thought appears, and it went in a different direction and up and down, and then the third, fourth thoughts....finally, we found our head a messed nestle, made of twined and twisted thoughts, such as lingering sadness, abiding affection, softness, hardness, dreams, hopes, realities. We were taught many things about life at school, but never really a course teaches us about life itself. We learned counting, adding up and minus since we were small, but in real life, it is as if useless. We could not make the simplest math, nor the simplest adding up or minus. Math is all logic, but life is not. What is life really? What are the components of life? Time is the foundation of time, like earth is the foundation to all high rise building. Without time, there is no life. Skills to live, are considered one of the most important things, skills to survive is essential to our existence, without which we would be physically disabled to continue to live a comfortable life. Skills that are employable gives us a better chance to find a better job, and a better job means some sort of security, a constant inflow of money for example, for to live we constantly see money flow out in change for essential things and none essential things. Skills guaranteed that we are being provided, and we felt relaxed when surrounded with comforting things. But life is more than this. In the middle of the body there is the engine of the body machine, the heart. It beats, it beats, and it beats, around 60 times each minute, sometimes faster, sometimes slower. But aside from the beats, it's believed it's the sensory of emotions. Love, hatred, happy, sad, all sorts of human emotions. Scientifically it's proven that it's the brain that picks up electro signals which was interpreted as feelings, but we still say "My heart is bleeding. My heart is broken." Heart has a beautiful shape, and we loved the romantic idea that the heart Feels, the brain Thinks. We like to conceive it this way with a reason. For the brain and the heart are sometimes found in conflicts. When the brain and the heart fights, we don't know what to do, which side shall we aid? Do we want the brain win? Or do we want the heart win? Here "brain" and "heart" is more of a symbolic name than literary. Heart and brain are like two twin brother, of same weight and height, let's say it hard to say which is stronger. And they live under the same "roof", so they fight daily, sometimes the brain win, sometimes the heart win, sometimes they are both injured, but only the heart that feels hurt and bleed. The brain, it's cold on emotional, when it lose it thinks only on how to fight back and win back next time, it surrender sometimes, but never groom or weep. Perhaps you would say the heart is too weak, because the heart is always pestered with emotions, it weeps, it bleeds, it breaks, it cheers, up or down, low or high, it's never quiet. And the brain, always logic, methodically, sometime lost its battle to the weak heart. Why? Because when the heart find a noble dream to believe in, it fights harsh and hard, it goes relentless to obtain its goal, it gets illogically strong, calm, patient, and unrealistically persistent. It wins, not always, but even if it lose, it will rest at peace. For the heart, peace comes from trying and knowing, not from winning and gaining. People all have these two "twin brothers" living inside their body, guiding them in different directions constantly. Rarely there are people who follow and support one only, often we change our sides, we are loyal supporter to neither. Artists tend to support more of their heart, while scientifically trained people prefers to trust their brain. Which of the two do you support more? Do you listen to your brain or follow your heart more? The trouble is, when you listen to both, but decide for non.
posted @ 2014-03-12 04:40 Sunshine 万里长空 阅读(76) | 评论 (0)编辑 收藏
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  • 1. re: 加拿大买药记
  • @Song: 去社区的CLSC都可以,就是社区clinique, 先问价格,太贵了就不要看了。还有就是可能要看你瞧的什么病,因为我只是要一个买药的处方而已,也许是因为这个价格不同的吧。
  • --万里长空
  • 2. re: 加拿大买药记[未登录]
  • 请问你在哪个clinic看的?为什么我去开就收了我140,我现在也没有医疗卡。。
  • --Song
  • 3. re: 加拿大买药记
  • @Olivia
    可以的,我后来找到医生,我要去多开点儿,她先给我开了3个月的,说看看有没有不良反应,后来就直接开了一年的处方,后来就直接去药房,不必再去开处方了。
  • --sunshinetian
  • 4. re: 加拿大买药记[未登录]
  • 您好,我也是刚到加拿大来,我想问一下,找医生开这个药可以要求一次性多开几盒吗?
  • --Olivia
  • 5. re: 安“命”
  • 思考太多的人很难笃定去信, 不如信自己吧. trust yourself to make the best of things.
  • --kangma

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